Stars & Sharks: The Love Languages of Littles 💫🦈
My kids are night and day. My oldest is calm, cautious, thoughtful, the kind of kid who will (mostly) make her point in subtle ways. My youngest? Full of sparkle and spunk. Wild, loud, hugs-for-strangers energy that barrels through life with a grin. Both are sassy, both are strong-willed, and both are teaching me daily about connection, love, and patience.
The way they express love is wildly different too. My oldest tells me she loves me “more than all the stars in the sky.” My youngest? She says she loves me “more than all the sharks in the water.” And honestly, that says everything you need to know about them.
Sticky Notes and Smooshed Faces
My older girl once went through an entire pack of my beloved sticky notes just to leave me messages. Some were hearts and smiley faces. Others were pictures of broken hearts when she felt sad. She doesn’t always have the words, but she uses pictures and little notes to tell me how much she loves me or how she’s hurting. Her way of connecting is thoughtful and creative, rooted in words and time together.
My little one? She doesn’t have the patience for sticky notes. She communicates by grabbing my face with sticky fingers, rubbing her toes between my legs while I’m trying to sit, or snatching my hand so hard that whatever I’m holding goes flying. Right now her love language is touch…all the snuggles, all the closeness, all the body contact. She would literally sleep on top of me if I let her.
And bedtime? My older girl builds a pillow fortress, wants a hug and a kiss, and then she’s off to dreamland solo. My little wants to stay attached like a Velcro koala, fully sprawled across me until the very last possible second.
Why Love Languages Matter (Even for Kids)
Most people have heard of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
It’s easy to think of them as “romantic tools” for couples, but the truth is, kids have them too. Children show us how they want to be loved all the time: through sticky notes, hugs, snuggles, or requests to play. And while kids are constantly changing and developing, research shows that when parents notice and respond to their bids for connection, it builds trust, security, and resilience.
The magic isn’t in guessing your kid’s exact love language and sticking to it like a script. It’s in paying attention to how they naturally reach for you and responding in a way that tells them “I see you. You matter.”
Real-Life Chaos of Different Needs
Of course, real life isn’t tidy. Some days one child is begging for physical closeness while the other is begging me to sit and read or draw with her. Some days I feel completely “touched out,” only to have my little one climb directly into my lap and smush her face against mine. Other times, my oldest quietly slips a sticky note on my desk with a sad little broken heart, just as I’m about to collapse from exhaustion.
Parenting two kids with totally different ways of connecting is a juggling act. And I don’t always get it right. Sometimes I snap, sometimes I miss the cue, sometimes I’m too tired to show up perfectly. But the goal isn’t perfection, it’s practice.
Quick Tips for Responding to Your Child’s Bids for Connection
Notice their patterns. Does your kid reach for hugs, or do they hand you little treasures (like rocks, notes, or crafts)? Those are clues.
Meet them where they are—even briefly. Two minutes of the “right” connection is often enough to fill their cup. A hug, a drawing, a bedtime song.
Remember, connection doesn’t have to match your comfort zone. I don’t love sticky fingers on my face, but I let my youngest do it because it’s her way of saying “I love you.”
Balance individual needs. Even five minutes one-on-one with each kid can help them feel seen, especially when siblings are opposites.
Name it out loud. Tell them: “I love how you gave me a note, it shows me you were thinking of me” or “I love your hugs, they make me feel close to you.” This reinforces their effort and models how to connect with others.
Stars, Sharks, and Showing Up
Connection doesn’t require hours of elaborate effort. Sometimes it’s in a 30-second hug, a sticky note, or even just eye contact while your kid explains why sharks are better than stars. Our job isn’t to be perfect, it’s to notice, respond, and keep showing up.
So when my older girl fills my office with sticky notes or my little one smashes my face while declaring her love, I remind myself: this is how they know they’re loved. It’s messy, it’s different, it’s chaotic but it’s also magic.
And maybe one day, when they’re grown, they’ll remember less about the chaos of our mornings and more about how deeply they were seen and loved…even if it was in stars and sharks. 💫🦈
Cheering you on through the chaos,
Katelyn – Messy but Managed
If you want the little stories and reflections that don’t make it to the blog, you’ll find them on Instagram → @messybutmanaged